Hello Sweet Baby,

Today marks your 18 month milestone. It’s been a full year and a half that you should have been growing and thriving here with us. The missing of you hasn’t gotten any easier, but we’ve learned to accept it as a part of ourselves as we go about the business of life. That’s been a very tough piece of living life without you- knowing that it must go on, and that it has gone on. Sometimes it still comes as a shock that the world keeps turning now you’re gone. Yet, you are truly still part of our daily lives. We honor you in lots of little ways, cherishing your memory and the love that still grows larger in our hearts with each day that passes.

I still get what I call “Lucy waves”, where suddenly, as if from nowhere, I am hit with a big wave of missing you. I had one just the other day. Those waves somehow sneak up on me, washing over me with an intensity that immediately chokes me up with tears, and the pain of losing you is fresh and raw again. And then, as suddenly as it arrived, the wave subsides, and I find my strength again. I’ve come to realize that you are my strength, Lucy. My love for you helps me cope and find my way again. You’re with me in my heart, I never doubt that.

Your Daddy and I continue to look toward a future that is better… we know it’s important to live well, for us and for you. It’s not always easy to keep faith in the unknown future… we never know what life will bring (losing you has taught us that), but we’re doing the best we can to believe that better things are coming,  though it breaks my heart that it’s a future you can’t be physically present for. I’ll always wish that you were here with us, not just in our hearts, but truly here. No matter what comes our way, we’ll always be missing a very important piece- you.

Today, my beautiful baby, I feel a smile in my heart when I think of you. You’ve been my most precious gift, and even though I am still so very sad without you, I know that part of you will always live through me. I love you as much as a human heart can, Lucy, and then some. I miss you.

I Love You Always,

Mommy