Hello my dear sweet Lucy, 

I started your letter back on the 19th of December. Here’s what I wrote to you then:

I missed your day again. By a longshot. I’m so sorry, sweet girl. Though it brings me guilt and pain, I’ve given myself permission to admit that the written word has dried up a bit in my world these past several months. As I hope with all my heart you know, no matter how little I write, your presence in my mind is vast. I’ve thought out many a letter to you this past week, but neither the time nor opportunity presented itself to me as a good time to actually write it. I’m trying, but it’s hard not to feel like I failed as your mommy when I don’t get to your letters on time, With the help of your Auntie Beth, I decorated this year’s Christmas tree; I don’t know if I would have held it together the way I did without help when hanging up your ornaments. Even though we have your little brother, and we get to celebrate his first Christmas with him here, I cannot stop wishing you were here to celebrate your third Christmas too.

Now, finishing your letter….

I’m so thankful for Everett and Daddy, because they bring me so much joy, and I see your light reflected upon them always. I’m filled with happiness, but also a longing for you at the same time. I think it’s always going to be that way. I’ll always miss you, and I’ll always wish you were here. As I’ve been experiencing the amazing little things that your brother does, I feel the wonderment and awe of it all; so often, I’m also wondering how those experiences might have been with you also. In some ways, seeing Everett grow and change makes me miss you more because I better understand now the gravity of exactly what I’m missing. It’s a small sorrow that accompanies all of those little milestones, but it also means that you’re with me in my mind and heart, always. I miss you and I love you more than words could ever say, Lucy.

Love Always and Always,

Mommy