I’m not doing the ‘New Year’s Resolution’ bit this year, for obvious reasons. I did read an article this morning by Emily Long called “Reclaiming New Years Without My Babies”. It made me think that instead of all of the hoopla and energy going into unrealized resolutions (let’s face it, my motivation levels are rather unpredictable these days), that I too will pick a word and let it serve as a theme or motif to lead me through 2017. The word I’ve chosen is HOPE.

As I said in yesterday’s Year of Lucy post, hope, along with love, are the things that have kept me afloat. I know that my grief journey is still new and that I will need to continue to pick up tools along the way in order to navigate through it well. Perhaps this concept of a guiding word will be of some help. There is so much darkness, despair, and sadness that accompanies me each day in my grief, and sometimes it is truly difficult to remain optimistic and positive. There are times when I know I’m the absolute opposite of strong and inspiring, without a doubt. But I want to be strong and I want to thrive for Lucy. So, I will cling to hope and incorporate it into my daily life this year to see what happens.

It is with HOPE that I will navigate through my grief. It is with hope that I will look forward to happier times ahead. With hope, I will do my best to send a message of inspiration to those I come into contact with regularly. With hope I will continue to nurture myself. With hope I will practice affirmations of my self-worth and my right to seek happiness. With hope, I’ll keep letting my heart be filled with Lucy’s light.

Another reason I’ve chosen hope as my guiding word is Chris and my desire to parent a sibling of Lucy. We have re-entered the realm of “Trying to Conceive”. That in and of itself is a testament of hope. We know that there will forever be a Lucy-sized void in our lives, but we want so badly to pour our love and energy into another child, to be parents to a living child. There are some feelings of guilt attached to this, because I worry that wanting this so much could in some way detract from our love of Lucy. But in my heart, I know that isn’t true. We have so much love to give, and nothing could ever diminish our love for our first born child. We will simply expand our hearts and create room for more love. One sibling could never replace another, we know that, and that isn’t our aim. We deserve the chance to add to our parenting journey; we deserve to have our lives enriched by another precious child. So, it is with hope each evening that I take my prenatal vitamin. With hope, Chris and I will enter each new month and cycle. With hope we will continue to move forward and build upon the legacy of love that started with Lucy. With hope, we will keep rebuilding our lives and open ourselves up to the possibility of happiness again.