My Sweet Lucy,
If you were here with us today, you’d be five months old now. How can this be? Five months ago tomorrow, we said goodbye, and our physical time in this world together ended. For this long, I have been aching for you and missing you with every fiber of my being. I’m sure you already know this, because I tell you all the time, but it feels good to write it to you too, sweet girl. I wonder what you’d look like now, as I know you’d have already changed a great deal. Would your hair have begun to get lighter by now? Or would it keep getting darker, like your Daddy’s? Would you be gearing up to crawl soon? I know that no matter what, you’d be the center of the happiness in our home. Your Daddy would be bragging about you at work with a twinkle in his eyes, telling funny stories to our students about sleep deprivation and baby messes. I’d be fretting over having to return to work later this month, wondering how I was going to get through the day without enough Lucy time. Being without you is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, so I know it would have been tough to return to work. But- I would have been able to get through the days because I’d have you to look forward to when I came home. I guess now you’re always with me, but we both know it just isn’t the same thing, is it? Sometimes I still get angry over how unfair it is that we can’t be together the way we were all supposed to be. I still cry and want to give up sometimes, especially when the missing of you gets to be so immense. I try to keep telling myself that you’d be proud of me for continuing on every day, for letting my love for you guide me through each day and doing my best. I hope that is true, my little love, for your life is the most beautiful part of my life journey. In spite of all of the darkness I feel sometimes from the sadness of your loss, the light you’ve brought into our lives shines brighter. I’ll still never get over having to let you go, but I will treasure you every moment for the rest of my life. I miss you so much, Lucy, I really do. I am still finding little signs here and there of your presence… I will continue to look for them always. Thank you for being my baby, for choosing me as your Mommy- I am lucky. Happy five months to you, my precious angel. I love you to the moon and back.

Love Always and Always,
Mommy