Today was going fine and I was feeling good. The summer weather is nice and mild right now, the birds are chirping, I planted another beautiful rose bush in Lucy’s Garden (given to us by a kind friend), and I’ve been feeling altogether light-hearted, which is nice for a switch. But when I went to grab the mail, I was accosted by an absolutely malicious (albeit unintentional) surprise as I shuffled through a few pieces of junk mail. Oriental Trading sent me not one, but two copies of their “First Birthdays” edition catalog with an adorable, smiling one year-old on the cover. Ouch. How they even knew that our child would have been nearly one, or how I ended up on their mailing list, I’ll never know. I realize that once upon a happy time, I registered at places like Babies R Us, and that by doing so, I was magically part of a network of all things baby. That was all fine and good, until my baby died. Things like this have sporadically shown up in our mail over the past ten months, and it kills me every time, twists the knife just a little deeper. I no longer feel okay at the moment, as that stupid catalog has reminded me that there is no first birthday party to plan, there is no smiling Lucy getting ready to dig into a ‘smash cake’. I have unsubscribed to several email promotions and flyers over the past months and some have been nearly impossible to get rid of. It’s frustrating because there’s no true way to know just how many places were given my information because I created a registry, and no telling how long I will be tortured by stuff like this. I know that Chris and I are not the only loss parents dealing with this mailbox conundrum, I think all loss parents are faced with this. It leaves me wondering what can be done about it. It seems that once you’ve signed up for anything baby through a website or any other organization, there’s no backing out, no matter the outcome of your pregnancy. All that does is add more painful complexities to the parents trying to cope with loss. If only I were a tech wizard, I could maybe figure out some online list loss parents could put themselves on that could unsubscribe them from the most common or notorious baby-related sites and mailing lists. Maybe it’s time to put that idea out into the world and see if anyone can come up with an easy solution. It sure would help the baby loss community from feeling as if they’re ‘going postal’ every time an unwanted, hurtful reminder shows up in their mailboxes!
On a much more positive note, a few weeks ago, I thought I’d try my luck and apply to be an ongoing contributor for Still Standing, the online magazine. I truly didn’t believe I would be accepted, but was absolutely ecstatic that I heard back from them with an invitation to join their writing team! I hope that I am able to contribute some meaningful pieces that will comfort others as I have been comforted through Still Standing. I truly feel honored that this opportunity has presented itself; it’s one of the few things I have truly felt excited about in the past ten months. If you’re reading this and are not familiar with Still Standing, it’s an online magazine focused on those surviving child loss and infertility, and has many contributing writers who share articles written about the topics that resound with the loss community. You can find the website here: www.stillstandingmag.com. It’s absolutely worth a look, and I can’t believe that I will be able to join with the voices of these wonderful writers. I hope that I will not disappoint them!
Okay, now back to trying to heal my fresh wounds from today’s mail…
A painful, unexpected reminder.