My Dear Boy,

I’ve written many things to your sister, but have yet to write to you. As I type, you are contentedly snuggled in my belly, making your sweet presence known with wiggles, kicks, and soft jabs. Your energy is already sustaining me, making me believe in the beauty of life again.

When we lost Lucy, my whole world turned black, and I never thought I’d experience joy again. The same is true for your Daddy. Yet here we are, anticipating your arrival, concentrating all the hope we have within us on bringing you safely home. We’re scared, scared that the same thing could happen to you, little one. I know someday in the distant future, you’ll find that life doesn’t always go as planned, but I hope with all of my heart that it never brings the same kind of pain to you. Losing your big sister has made us fearful of losing you too. I wish with all of my heart that she were here with us and that the two of you could grow up together. But that wasn’t the hand our family was dealt, and there’s no changing it. And so, I will spend my life pouring all of my love into you, and into keeping your big sissy’s memory alight in our family. There is nothing more important to me than that.

My love for you is endless. I am already so proud of you and cannot wait to meet you. You are so very wanted, so very loved. From the moment we knew you existed, your Daddy and I have felt a joy unlike any other. Sometimes that joy is quiet, as we worry and wait, but often, it’s overflowing from us. Though we’re scared of losing you, we’re also celebrating you as you ought to be celebrated. You are special, and not just because you are Lucy’s brother;  although I have a feeling she is so proud of you, the little brother she picked out. You are special because you are our child and because you’re you.

You have restored me, brought me back to life, made me look forward to the future. I couldn’t be more thankful for your existence, and I promise to do everything I can to make you feel loved and supported, for as long as I live. In giving you life, you have given us life. We cannot wait to meet you sweet guy, to watch you grow, thrive, and live a fulfilling life that you wish to live. You have already brought us so much hope and joy, and you’ve shown us that there are no limits on how much the heart can love. I cannot wait to see what else you’ll teach us as you grow. I love you so much, baby boy.

Always,

Mommy