I have such conflicted emotions when I think of how time continues to move forward after our greatest tragedy. Time stops for nothing and no one; it keeps inching along ceaselessly, without a care or consideration of the past. It continues moving, as if nothing happened. For Chris and me, it felt as if the world just stopped when Lucy died, felt as if the world and time should have stopped, because our world will never be the same. The rest of our time on this earth cannot be the same. Sometimes it hurts, the way everything just goes on, the way time continues to put more distance between us and Lucy. Early on, I was angry that my body continued to be a cruel reminder of what we’d lost; the postpartum symptoms seemed to mock me with every breath I took. I wanted those signs gone, it just seemed too harsh. And then, just like that, my body began to move on. Now it’s moved on to the next thing as mother nature has decided to begin another cycle, as if the past never happened. I know this would have happened anyway, but it seems like a sad reminder that time just keeps moving forward, life just keeps moving forward. There’s nothing that can be done about it but to go along. Though it’s still oh so very hard, time has also allowed for more moments of so-called normalcy. I know that my sadness will never completely disappear, but it’s interesting how time can find ways to weave moments of security, greater love, and even some more happiness in with the sadness. As it goes on, I can’t help but wonder what Lucy would be like right now in this moment if she were here with us. With every day that passes, I continue to wonder what might have been with that beautiful baby. It is empty without her, no matter how much time passes.