I’ve mostly been staying emotionally afloat lately, but every now and again, when I’m doing something perfectly ordinary, I catch glimpses of what my life is supposed to be like, and it crushes me. There are reminders everywhere I look that tell me I’m missing something. Everything is different than it should be because Lucy isn’t here. Overall, I know I’m doing a lot ‘better’ than I was, but sometimes my emotions bubble up to the surface from nowhere, and the pain is as fresh and raw in those moments as it was when we first lost our little girl. Now, I suppose I can’t imagine what my life could ever be like without the intense sadness that repeatedly washes over me; it’s become a part of me, as much as Lucy is a part of me.

Today, the parallel universe in which Lucy got to stay with us has been taking over my brain. I keep seeing in my mind’s eye what life would be like with an almost seven month old baby. It’s painful and debilitating to consider all that we’re missing. Nothing I do today is a distraction from it, and I keep having mini crying spells. Chris was briefly concerned, but we both know this is just normal now… so I let my tears flow, the moment passes, and I take another breath and keep going. If love and wishes were enough to bring my sweet baby back to me, she’d be here. Though I’m moving forward toward living my life again, the Lucy-shaped hole in my heart has not changed… she will always be my missing piece. I miss her terribly today.