My dear sweet Lucy,

Hi little one. It’s another Christmas without you, and not much has changed since last year. Truthfully, I didn’t want to get out of bed today because all I could think about was that I didn’t get to get up, give you a good morning kiss, and show you all of the magic that Christmas holds for little tykes like you (should have been).  I’m sure you’d have been noticing so much this year. Not being able to experience it with you is torture.

Your mommy is pretty blue this morning. My heart is not quiet- it’s tempest-tossed and turbulent. There’s not a damn thing that’s fair about today, and I’m having a hard time being happy about anything today has to offer. Seems like everyone else we know is probably getting up to a happy, content Christmas morning, all on their best behaviors all day, appreciating the special moments they’ll share with their loved ones. It’s days like these I just wish I could press the fast-forward button on. Days like this make it hard for me to keep my promise to you that I’ll live well everyday. I’m working on it, but all I can think about is all the memories we’ll never get to make together.

No matter what, and especially today, you are always alive in my heart. You are loved beyond measure, and you will always be our precious child. I miss you with all of my being, baby girl, I just miss you so much.

Merry Christmas, Lucy. I love you.

Always,

Mommy